Saturday, 22 October 2016

The Dream Killer

At its core is ego. Its essence is presumption: the assumption that tomorrow will come.
The name of this silent killer? Procrastination.

When I myself realised what I was writing about, I actually laughed out loud. Me? Write about procrastination? But I wrote. Today. Posted. Today. As I reflected, I thought to myself: this procrastination thing is so irrational. It just isn't rational. Now is the time. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I have a goal, a vision, a dream. My dream is beautiful, meaningful, it is significant, but why have I not yet really seen it materialise? What can I call 'dream' anyway? And please, how do I stop allowing the Dream Killer to assassinate my dreams?


The issue usually lies in:
- not really realising the importance of the dream
- not valuing time
- subconsciously believing I've got all the time in the world (related to the above)


I define a dream using my Value Scale (I just made that term up but this is real):
A. I think it's the bomb (I feel like 'the bomb' is outdated but isn't 'awesome' overused nowadays?)
B. It can be of value to others
C. God thinks it's valuable

If it ticks all the boxes, to me, it's a dream worth pursuing!


To take out the Dream Killer before it gets your dreams, you may want an action plan such as this:
1. Recognise that you have a dream
2. Remind yourself that time is truly valuable
3. Move now, now, now

Let's say you didn't move 'now' (then) – there's always tomorrow! NO. Move now!


Proverbs 27:1 (AMP): Do not boast about tomorrow, / For you do not know what a day may bring.

Matthew 6:34 (AMP): So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mark 12:30, 31 (AMP): and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul (life), and with all your mind (thought, understanding), and with all your strength.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT): For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Sunday, 25 September 2016

Coming Out of the Closet

So, what if I'm a lesbian?

Not "so what if" – "so, what if".

And in these phrases lies the difference in perspective. The difference in paradigm.

To come out and say "so what" – on the face of it is a proud assertion of identity, but in reality there is the idiomatically confrontational, offensive (defensive) "so what?" The rejection of the need for affirmation, so it seems, but a public statement seeking some acceptance.

Some soul-searching and a desire for truth give rise to "so, what if?" It substitutes humility for arrogance with its comma. It is a query which Google cannot answer; voiced but not necessarily public. Though it may never make the vlog it is a question to be asked.

Feelings of longing, pain, guilt, anxiety, all serve to form your "what if". When you stop stifling the emotions – your symptoms – you hear it loud and clear.

It prompts introspection: when? what? who? why? It is fuelled by a desire to find one's true identity rather than become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a person shaped by media, circumstances, trauma – sometimes unspeakable, buried, 'forgotten'.

For me, "what if I am a lesbian" moves me to find out how my Creator sees me, to discover the vision my God has for me. It is a journey from Genesis to Apocalypse. It is a revelation.

"So, what if?" may be one of the toughest questions you ask yourself; but in the comma, in the pause, there is space for rebirth, renewal... and this is where the Spirit moves to recreate, to resurrect who you are so you can live a life punctuated by meaningfulness.
Genesis 1:24-28 {divine image}
John 3:1-21 {rebirth}
2 Corinthians 5:17 {new you}
John 4:6-30 {drinking water}
Luke 7:36-50 {perfumed feet}
Revelation 3:12 {new name}

Monday, 23 January 2012

The Year of the Lion

Happy New Year! It's 2012.

And yet amid the wishing good tidings to all I can't help but hear the news brought by the news.
And it's 2012. That year I hear is supposed to bear cataclysmic events. Mayanism foretold the end of the world. So I hear. And tis the Year of the Dragon according to the Chinese New Year.

And all these thoughts melded in my mind and brought on this blog post.

A movie came out entitled '2012' and when I looked at the poster for this film it was reminiscent of oft depicted scenes of Moses, the parting of the Red Sea, the handing down of the 10 Commandments on Mount Sinai as recounted in the Bible. This in turn made me think of Noah who preached his vocal cords out to the people of his time, letting them know that the end was nigh. But he was branded a nutter and disbelieved, people carried on with their way of life, completely disregarding the God who created them and doing the most unthinkable acts until the floods came - and that was the end for them.

And then I thought of the dragon. A creature which symbolises chaos or evil in the West, while being associated with water and the heavens in the Far East.

I see no contradiction there when I read through the lens of the written Word. The word 'dragon' comes from the Greek drakōn: 'serpent'. This creature is revealed in the biblical book of Revelation as representing the devil himself (Revelation 12:9). The Bible depicts the Devil as that serpent in Genesis and the dragon in Revelation. He isn't a horny, ugly, goat-like creature but was created as a powerful beautiful angel who was indeed a figure of superiority, rule and power, just as he is perceived in Chinese thinking.

But my focus is not on the opinions of the Mayans, the Chinese or any other civilisation. Because to me, this year is the Year of the Lamb. The God of the Bible is the kind of God who despite his great power and superiority, decided to humble himself to a position lower than the angels he created in order to pay the penalty that humankind thoroughly deserves. This God has freed me from the bondage of sin so that I no longer have to serve a master who doesn't have my best interests at heart; who lies to me about the reality of my sinful choices and leaves me to wade in the muck of consequences. Instead I serve a Master who gives me the freedom to choose or reject him. Who presents me with a realistic picture of what the future holds. Who holds me in the storms and offers me true hope. This is the Year of the Lamb to me. And although it may look rather much like the Dragon is having his day, the Year of the Lion is on its way.

Happy New Year indeed!
All the best to all whichever calendar you go by!

[Before pride got to him and he became the enemy, the devil was an angelic being of high rank]
Ezekiel 28:12-19 (KJV):
Son of man, take up a lamentation upon the king of Tyrus, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty.
Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created.
Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire.
Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.
By the multitude of thy merchandise they have filled the midst of thee with violence, and thou hast sinned: therefore I will cast thee as profane out of the mountain of God: and I will destroy thee, O covering cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire.
Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee.
Thou hast defiled thy sanctuaries by the multitude of thine iniquities, by the iniquity of thy traffick; therefore will I bring forth a fire from the midst of thee, it shall devour thee, and I will bring thee to ashes upon the earth in the sight of all them that behold thee.
All they that know thee among the people shall be astonished at thee: thou shalt be a terror, and never shalt thou be any more.

[Jesus is the Lamb that was killed and the conquering Lion who overcame sin and death for us]
Revelation 5:5-14 (KJV):
And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.
And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God sent forth into all the earth.
And he came and took the book out of the right hand of him that sat upon the throne.
And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the prayers of saints.
And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;
And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth.
And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and the beasts and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands;
Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.
And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.
And the four beasts said, Amen. And the four and twenty elders fell down and worshipped him that liveth for ever and ever.

Hebrews 2:9, 10 (NLT):
What we do see is Jesus, who was given a position “a little lower than the angels”; and because he suffered death for us, he is now “crowned with glory and honor.” Yes, by God’s grace, Jesus tasted death for everyone. God, for whom and through whom everything was made, chose to bring many children into glory. And it was only right that he should make Jesus, through his suffering, a perfect leader, fit to bring them into their salvation.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Star de Noël

Tout le monde veut être une star de nos jours.

En cette saison c'est le Père Noël qui cherche à être l'effigie avec ces cadeaux, sa barbe et ses fringues rouges. Mais moi je dirais qu'une vraie star c'est quelqu'un qui ne se prend pas pour une star. Il n'y a aucun besoin de se prendre pour quelque chose ou quelqu'un si on l'est véritablement. La vraie star de Noël c'est Jésus Christ. Un Dieu qui se fait homme, qui meurt pour sauver une humanité qui l'a rejeté et qui le rejette sans cesse et surtout pendant Noël en se livrant à la folie du matérialisme.
J'aime ce Dieu.
Paul le décrit si bien dans son épître aux Philippiens...

*Si donc il y a quelque consolation en Christ, s'il y a quelque soulagement dans la charité, s'il y a quelque union d'esprit, s'il y a quelque compassion et quelque miséricorde, rendez ma joie parfaite, ayant un même sentiment, un même amour, une même âme, une même pensée. Ne faites rien par esprit de parti ou par vaine gloire, mais que l'humilité vous fasse regarder les autres comme étant au-dessus de vous-mêmes.
Que chacun de vous, au lieu de considérer ses propres intérêts, considère aussi ceux des autres. Ayez en vous les sentiments qui étaient en Jésus Christ, lequel, existant en forme de Dieu, n'a point regardé comme une proie à arracher d'être égal avec Dieu, mais s'est dépouillé lui-même, en prenant une forme de serviteur, en devenant semblable aux hommes; et ayant paru comme un simple homme, il s'est humilié lui-même, se rendant obéissant jusqu'à la mort, même jusqu'à la mort de la croix.
C'est pourquoi aussi Dieu l'a souverainement élevé, et lui a donné le nom qui est au-dessus de tout nom, afin qu'au nom de Jésus tout genou fléchisse dans les cieux, sur la terre et sous la terre, et que toute langue confesse que Jésus Christ est Seigneur, à la gloire de Dieu le Père.

Joyeux Noël!

*Philippiens 2:1-11 (LSG)

Philippians 2: 10,11 (KJV): That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Hush-hush Closet Stuff

*WARNING: This is real to me so it's gonna be real to somebody else. If you want to think happy thoughts only, you may not want to read today. Everything I write though will be with purpose and have solutions. Smile 'cus Jesus loves ya! :-)*

Hearing people talk about Christmas made me realise that it is oft associated with family meltdown moments, crazy crises, taut tension... (sorry for the overload of alliteration and pleonasms - I'll stop there). Basically, what I'm hearing is that Christmas is often synonymous with ugly family time. I was somewhat surprised to discover this but then again, I oughtn't be. Let's be honest, it's not just on that one day out of 365 that there's family drama. Family issues go way back. Way way way back. Oh dear. This is such a massive topic, I'm going to go in with one aspect that led me to get blogging.

I didn't want to do this. On Christmas Day. Or ever really. But I really must. *Sigh* *Deep breath*

So, we sometimes use the image of the closet. You know, all those awful family secrets or personal secrets that nobody EVER needs to know about.
But the reality is that absolute madness goes down in the family tree.
I've come to realise that this great war that is raging: good versus evil, between God and Satan, runs deep into DNA. (Praise God for victory already gained through Jesus!)
I've come to realise that the devil tries to screw us up as much as possible as early on as possible.

My experience has revealed this truth to me in two main areas:
#1. Sexuality
- sexual abuse
- molestation
- sexual exploration
- sexual activity
- pornography
All encountered in the my family, with my relatives, people from the same gene pool as me, extended family though they may be. And all that before my teenage years have arrived.

#2. Violence
- verbal abuse (shouting, swearing, cussing, putting down...)
- physical abuse (hitting, scratching, punching...)

I have witnessed this madness.

I have been a perpetrator.

I have been a victim.

I've experienced guilt from being both a perpetrator and a victim. That's how sin works. It messes up both parties. On purpose.

But how do I move on from that guilt? From hurt, anger, pain, shame?

This is a question many of us have tried to answer or tried to ignore.
At the end of the day (or the blog post, or whenever) you're going to choose what you do with the question but of course I can only tell of what I have experienced.

I've experienced forgiveness. Forgiving the ones who have made me a victim - which frees me! I think it's so so crucial. I urge and plead with all to do just that, 'cus guess what - when you don't forgive, you hold on to the hurt and it makes you sick. Sicker. Emotionally, physically... you're in bad shape spiritually. No they probably don't deserve it, but you deserve to be free of anger and pain, right? Why should you double the effect of their wrongdoing against you? Nah!

When I consider the fact that God forgives me over and over and over and over and over and over again for the wrong that I've done. When I actually experience His forgiveness which is characterised by the removing of that heavy sense of guilt and replacing it with perfect peace *contented smile* I need to give that to somebody else. If they don't want it - that's their choice, but I refuse to be chained by the weight of chains that are not mine! Mercy is a concept we humans struggle with.
Something for nothing? A gift? "What must I give in return?" we ask, with suspicion in our question mark.
But what I love about God is: He is not like me. His thoughts are not like mine. I find that the harshness of my judgement of what I consider to be unforgivable acts is incompatible with my pleas for forgiveness when I've done wrong. I'm so so quick to say 'forget you', but I want to be forgiven like - yesterday. So yeah, I'm glad God is who He is. His character is attacked from every angle - people don't understand: why does He let these mad things happen? (I need to give that question a blog post of its own.)

The things I've mentioned are those things we know have happened in the family, between different members, but that we never ever mention - as if it will make these things disappear or undo themselves. Reality is, they've had an impact on who I am today.
But I am so grateful that these things haven't defined me. Or perhaps I should say, they haven't defined me as the devil intended and definitely not forever.

The way I see it beloved, is that as a battered woman, I can either hide my bruises...
or let you see them,
break down how I got into the situation where I got them,
and let you know how I've come out on the other side,
and how these souvenirs of my past pain remind me that I am able to overcome.

Oh yes, every scar reminds me who gave me strength to get through: my God - even though I may not have acknowledged Him at the time, I see it now. And knowing Him gives me true purpose so I can use my story to encourage others who are hiding their scars, letting them know they needn't beat themselves up but instead recognise that they have a purpose and they can weather any storm by getting self-worth from the One who made them.

So Christmas is that time where many people get together with their families. Christ is not really the reason for the season to many but he is the reason I'm alive and whole despite the fact that pieces of me have been taken, or I've given some away. I have tears in my eyes as I actually think about this. That someone - not just anyone, but God himself - was willing to come in the form of a mere mortal to save me from this condition I call 'madness' is mind-blowing.

Merry Christmas! I'm going to keep on loving my family and they'd better keep on loving me so we can extend this celebration into eternity!

*I had to go back and edit this post to actually make it personal. It is haaard. But you, Reader, are teaching me that it's necessary. Bless you. x

Isaiah 55:8 (KJV): For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

1 John 4:20 (KJV): If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

Luke 6:32-36 (NLT):
“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.
“Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Saturday, 22 October 2011


Nue, elle était

Nue, elle s'est vue

Dévêtue de lumière

La gloire de Dieu qui l’encerclait


Sa vue maintenant perçoit

Des choses qui n’existaient pas

Avant qu’elle ne croque ce fruit

Nue, je suis sans Lui

Zéro, c’est-à-dire vide

Mais avec son Saint Esprit, remplie

Équipée pour servir

Koko Rachelle


Friday, 21 October 2011

Good Girls Don't...

Ok. I was a chicken. I didn't put it in the title.
But the initial idea was:
'Good Girls Don't Masturbate'

Yeah. I typed it. Why? I'm not trying to shock or attention-seek by making outlandish statements. I am just so fed up of superficiality. Satan is out there flaunting his stuff as prince of the darkness of this world, how dare I as a child of the King hide my light under a bushel. I dare not. The Bible talks about God's people not having been given a spirit of fear, a spirit of timidity. So I can no longer shut up and have ideals solely in my mind where no one can see, hear or be enlightened and delivered from that bondage.

I know contemporary media has us feening for that good girl gone bad image. And yes, those terms have hopped straight into my vocab from the kind of music that cultivates that carnal side.

So, I shan't prevaricate, let me go right in. Masturbation.
Introduced by pornography, eroticism in literature, television programmes, sexually explicit and implicit songs... the list could go on.
The idea is that you're on a journey of self-discovery and then you simply find yourself addicted.
Addicted to feeling a rush within. Feeling like you're 'grown' because you 'know yourself'. And no man can ever please you the way you can please yourself. He just won't ever be able to get it.

The more you masturbate the more you lie.
You lie to yourself, tell yourself you aren't an addict.
Despite the intense feeling of emptiness and dirtiness that ensues - you know, like after a sugar rush.

But then, one day, I really came to terms with this issue.
I addressed it as an issue. An addiction. I had sought answers about it's 'christianness' before but with very unsatisfactory results.
I considered masturbation in the light of God's word.
What first came to me was the concept of self. It is all about self. Self 'gratification'. Self worship. That's how I came to see the act. And that's what clinched it for me. I prayed and the Lord took it away.

The 'self' thing is a key part of what masturbation is about, but there are other dangers. And if you listen to your heart's thoughts you may hear similar thought processes.

1. False beliefs about the opposite sex. They can't satisfy you like... you! This can mess you up prior to entering into a relationship with someone and if you're in a couple. (Oh the insecurities if you find your other half doing the deed without you.) --- I think I'll address *just* pornography sometime.

2. This is how I see it: you 'doing' you (sorry sounds crude but it's clear) is...
Wait, for greater clarity: me 'doing' me is... female pleasing her female self. This cultivates the idea that only a woman can really understand me and please me (anti man-ism - hello lesbianism). This also overlaps with images seen in the media (porn or other). You (especially guys) may be shouting: no, I'm not gay, I'm not gay! (*Silence* gay bashers, that is not my thing at all). But if you are seeking to sexually gratify someone of the same sex... I need to do a post solely on those -isms and -alities.

3. Addiction of any kind is inherently negative.

4. An extension of that point. You're showing who your master is through your actions. Ok, I confess I wanted to use the word master in relation to masturbation for wordplay! :P
I still mean that though!

5. Get a life! I'm thinking about myself here tbh. Time spent doing things that will not actually benefit you when you could be doing things that could benefit both you and others!

What to do?
- Realise that self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, so get to know more about Him and His character will become manifest in you.
- Believe that the enmity prophesied about in Genesis 3:15 came to fruition in Christ and once you accept Him, our weakened enmity* is bolstered by His!
- Remember that you are adopted by the Father. He's your Daddy, call on He who is able to give you everything you need!

So, I said I prayed and the Lord took it away. Let me be straight. Temptation surfaces every now and again, usually when I'm in deep sleep. But praise God you can still hear him then! Don't ever feel like you're too far gone. Or you've slipped too many times. That's where the enemy would love to keep you.

A friend just sent me a text mentioning James 5:15. Timely indeed!
"And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him."

Get on your knees about it, then step out in newness of life!

I don't have to feel dirty 'cus Christ has washed me...
I don't have to feel shame 'cus I have the testimony of Jesus Christ... He endured the cross, despising the shame and I shall not be ashamed of his gospel (good news).

At the end of the day. You may read this and be like "poor sad Christians who don't wanna have fun". Or whatever. And that's fine. Really. I believe in freedom of choice. But if the Spirit pricks your conscience, abeg, don't ignore.

With love,

Koko Rachelle
(Erm, I dunno why I ended like that. It's not a letter. Then again it kinda is. Ach, I'll leave it there!)

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV): For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP): For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

Romans 8:15 (KJV): For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

Romans 8:7-10 (KJV): Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV): The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Proverbs 28:26 (KJV): He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.

Revelation 1:5,6 (KJV): And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 12:2 (KJV): Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Romans 1:6 (KJV): For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth

*On this topic, I listened to the 'I Will Put Enmity' sermons by Pr Henry Wright. You can check them out here.